Today has probably been one of the worst days ever. Today was the day I had to give Bentley, my dog, up for adoption. Our neighbors were complaining about him barking. We either had 3 weeks to find him a home or find us a new home. After sitting down, we decided that giving Bentley to the humane society was the best as there is no way we could afford to move in three weeks.
I have so many emotions going on right now. I’m devastated, heart broken, pissed off, bitter and most of all empty. Bringing him there was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. Bentley has been mine and I’ve been his for 7 years. I’ve been an emotional wreck the past few days. It was even worse when I dropped him off. I could barely speak when I told them what I needed to do. Luckily, the girl checking him in completely understood what I was going through and couldn’t have been nicer. After much cuddles, kisses and tears, I said my final goodbye and left. I sobbed so hard in the car before I could even drive away.
I take some comfort in knowing that he will probably not be there long since small dogs tend to get adopted quickly. Someone had just called before I came looking for a small dog.
While I think it was the best out of two horrible options, I’m still not handling it well. It just feels empty in this house and my whole routine is gone. Bentley was my dog and he never left my side while I was home. He would literally follow me around the house. He could be in a deep sleep and if I left the room, he would follow. It’s hard for me to sit in my chair because when I did, he’d be right on my lap wanting belly rubs. Now, I have this empty spot at my feet or on my chair. I don’t even want to think about what it’s going to be like when I go to bed tonight. He was always spooning my belly or laying at the top of my heard. Either way, we were snuggled close.
I feel like I failed him. I’ve had moments where I think he’s just at the vet and he’ll be home tomorrow. I worry about how he’s doing in the shelter and if he’ll be ok tonight. Will his new family know that he likes belly rubs before he goes to bed? Will they let him sleep with them? I pray to god that he has the same if not better life with his new family. I hope they give him the chance to be there best friend like he is mine. I know he was happy with us and I just hope he gets the same love and attention that he got with us. I only want my Bentley to be happy.
Bentley has been the best dog to me and has seen me through some pretty difficult times. I can’t even count how many tears he’s licked in the past 7 years. He’s always been the first one to greet me at the door with kisses, snorts and reverse sneezes. He was my baby before Jack came along. He was protective when J was out of town for work. I dare anyone try to come into this house in the middle of the night.
I keep dwelling on the negative. While there are possibly a few positives, the negatives completely weigh over the positives. I want to keep checking the website and calling to see if he’s been adopted. Or call to make sure he is ok. However, I know I need to move on and dwelling on this stuff is not going to help me. The pain will never end if I can’t move on. I need to figure out what our new normal is.
I love you Bentley.